I was always a lonely a kid. Actually I am a lonely kid. I am sure that the people who know me are already tired of me whining about this. But that’s the truth, the ‘BITTER TRUTH’. When I was small, when I was in school, or even in college, I was so lonely. Doesn’t matter if I was surrounded be hundreds of people, l always felt I am alone, all alone. I didn’t know why it is so with me, but it was always that way. In my college I had like 1000 of friends and still I never felt that I have one friend I can share all my secrets or thoughts. I found it so girly, just like some teenage girl crying over for not having her soul sister or something. I always knew that by days past or as we grow older we tend to get lonelier. But in my case I feel I am the loneliest one in this earth.
This Deepavali, which is supposed to be the biggest festival of India, I was not celebrating. It’s not that I did not want to celebrate it, but it was because I had no one to celebrate with. I remember back in days how colorful my diwali used be. And yesterday I came back to place all alone, drinking away the night and thinking about the good old days. May be even the mother earth felt sad about it and it rained. I was standing in the balcony, drinking and letting the raindrops soothing me. I can give myself no assurance, weather teardrops were camouflaged in those raindrops or not.
I am not sure if it’s a problem with me mingling with people or people have problem with me. I was sure about myself and I still am. I know I can’t fight the time. Whatever I thought will be my driving force and I thought I will never run out of it, well life taught me another lesson. Not to take anything as granted. That’s why I am now all alone writing this entry in my blog. I am lonely because I choose to be lonely. because I feel it’s good to be lonely and I should not blame anybody for this situation. So here I am, learning to be all by myself in nation’s biggest celebration time. I truly feel that every one of you, and I mean it, every one of you out there, is lucky in your own away. But I am and remain unlucky. Always……..