Category Archives: Diary



It’s a new beginning, again. Another year passed and I am now in 2k16. What has changed? I guess nothing.

So how was my 2015? In a sentence, lost some, gain some. The year started with a bang. I had to leave the city I stayed in for long 15 years and travelled 300 kms away. I thought it will be a new beginning of my life, deputation to Bangalore from Chennai. But I was wrong.

As I moved to Bengaluru, I suffered huge personal, emotional and financial losses, I had change my lifestyle, my way of thinking about people around me, my health deteriorate because of the weather I couldn’t adapt, so on and so forth. At times I started hating this place, but slowly I came to terms.

To take away the positives, the biggest one is, I rediscovered my love for writing. I revived my old blog, started to write short stories about facts and fictions, started posting them in my office portal (knome), and found some wonderful and appreciative readers. They kept me going on, with their likes, comments and criticism. I’ll be forever in debt and be grateful to all my readers and audiences.

My resolution this year 2016:

  • Regain my lost health, eat healthy and minimize my alcohol consumption, hit the gym.
  • Find, convince and accept someone true to me and make her a part of my life.
  • I’ll try to be little more optimistic in my life, will fight for my lost hopes and battles
  • Be a better writer in coming years and make my ultimate dream come true.


I guess if I could do those 4 things up above, my year of 2016 will be a better one. So 2k16, please be nice to me, be good to me and make my life a exciting and joyful one this year




Love and Betrayal

three_cheers_for_sweet_revenge_by_ribkadory-d4b8h0g how_to_cheat_and_not_get_caught


*Phone ringing*

Neeta: Hellooo

Rohit: Hey darling, what’s up. What you doing?

Neeta: Nothing jaanu, missing you. At work?

Rohit: Yep. You didn’t go to college I see. Bunking?

Neeta: Ya jaan, not feeling well.

Rohit: Ok take care; I will see you in the evening. Whose there with you? Are you alone?

Neeta: Yes darling, my stupid roommate Ragini is in college.

Rohit: Aww! Take care of yourself. I’ll meet you soon.

*Neeta disconnected the call, made a face looking at her phone and started to check herself out in front of the mirror.*

*Phone ringing again*

Neeta: Hey handsome.

Navin : Hey sexy babe. What are you up to?

Neeta: Waiting for you handsome. I know you are standing there in the ground floor right in front of the elevator.

Navin: Keep the door open baby, I am coming to eat you up.

Neeta: *Giggling* I am waiting for you sweetheart.

*Navin and Neeta meet each other, the hugged and started kissing each other, Navin starts fondling Neeta’s breast*

Neeta: Ummmm…. Baby I need you now, need some hot, steamy sex.

Navin: Oh yeahh babe, you are such a bitch in heat.

* They both started removing their clothes*

Navin: Where is my cute and innocent girlfriend Ragini?

Neeta: Sent her to college. Ohh she is such a boring bitch.

Navin: I got to use the loo. By the time I come back, I don’t want a thread on your body and you should be in bed spreading those beautiful legs apart.

Neeta : *Giggles hysterically*

*Neeta drops her clothes and jumped on the bed. A shadow emerges from the balcony and slowly creeps beside her.*

Neeta: AAAAAaaaaa!!!!! (She screams with pain and horror as she got stabbed in her stomach)

Neeta: Raginiiiiiiii !!!! Noooooo !!

*Stabbed, stabbed, stabbed and stabbed again*

Neeta: Please spare me. *Coughing blood and saliva*. Please, please, please. I did nothing. He seduced me, Navin made me do all these, please don’t kill me.

Ragini: I know, but you deserve to die. I spare nobody who hurts, cheats and do wrong to my Rohit.

Neeta: Wh..oo!! Wh.a..t?? Wha..t are y….ou talking abo..ut?

Ragini: Hahahaha, I never told you and you never figured it out. Did you?

*Neeta looked at Ragini with utmost disbelief but by then her life is all set to free from her body*

*Ragini walks out of the room and enters into her bedroom where Rohit was standing, wiping blood of his knife, Navin’s lifeless body was lying under his feet*

Rohit: Ohh sis, it was so hard to hide in the bathroom for so long, but it was worth it.

Ragini: Hehehe, big bro now it’s time for us to move to a new city. Let’s find you another girlfriend and let me find myself another guy.

*Both smiles at each other, mischievously!!!!!*


A bus, one night of december, Delhi.


The sensational and brutal gang rape case which occurred on 17th dec night right in the heart of the capital has shaken this country. I have read it in the paper, saw it in the news, but to be frank I am not really shaken or became speechless. Make no mistake; I do have my sympathy and condolences for the deceased girl and her family. But having said that I also feel this issue has drawn the undivided attention of the nation, because it took place in our National capital right under the nose of the PM, CM and all other politicians and police. This is not the first rape case in Delhi and it won’t be the last, but the gruesome nature of this case also is one of fact that makes this case an important one.

Now let’s see why I wasn’t impacted by this incident. Simply because I am aware of the ground realities.

If we ignore the sex crime statistics occurring in metros and concentrate on the rural India.  Everyday thousands of rape and sexual assaults are happening in those areas. Let that be the systematic rapes by Indian army in Kashmir valley and Northeastern provinces, or the brutal gang rapes of dalit and lower caste women in Up, Bihar, Chhattisgarh, MP or Rajasthan. No one can turn a blind eye about all the incident came to lights which are happening in the other part or rural India.

Protesters were pushing it hard for the strong laws against rape. Let me tell you, there are more cases of murder occurs than rape in a calendar year in our country and we all know what is the punishment for the first degree murder. I have my doubts if the rape laws are strengthening will they be really effective enough!!!

Call me male chauvinist, call me sexist, but I stand by my point. The safeties of you girls are in your hands. Yes we are waiting for the change of mind that provocative clothes and attitude can’t be the reason for rape, yes we are waiting for this country to be a safer place for women, we are waiting for our law and order department to be more competent.

But till then, girls, you have to be cautious. If only modern society and thinking could stop rape, USA wouldn’t be topping this chart. You have to be cautious; you have to restrict your activity. Simply because this nation is not competent enough to save always and also doesn’t want to be harmed anyway.

So as a brother, boyfriend or father when we try to restrict your clothing and activity, don’t bark at us saying we are sexist. Yes there are laws and yes the rapist might get punished for their deeds but we don’t want you to get raped in the first place.


Rape is the oldest crime against humanity. Let that be 1942 Berlin massacre, 1971 Bangladesh atrocities (according to statistics 90,000 women were raped, that’s just a govt. figure, Till date the highest cases of rape reported), Civil wars in African nations, everywhere this occurs repetitively. Few of them are so gruesome in nature that the Delhi case might sound like a normal one.

So girls, don’t generalize we men as rapists, we are also the protectors. If we cannot keep you safe on the roads at least we try to keep you safe inside our houses. I know it’s so tough to digest but we want you to be safe rather than seeing the rapist punished after the committed this heinous crime till we can give a safer road to walk on.


Ani and An Apple







Apple is a fascinating fruit. From the very beginning of this world till now this fruit has played an integral part in all the greatest stories of mankind. Turn the pages of bible, and you see how Adam and Eve chewed the apple from the ‘tree of knowledge’ and ahem… After that they chewed something else (and blamed it all on that poor snake).

Now, if we take an instance from the mythology, the Greek mythology. As we all know the phrase ‘apple of discord’ and most of us know the origin of this phrase.

The ‘Goddess of discord’ Strife wasn’t invited in the marriage of Peleus and Thetis, so she played a little prank on the three goddess, ‘Hera, Athena and Aphrodite’ by throwing a golden apple to them and saying the fairest will have the apple. And this, literally jacked up the life of Prince Paris, when he points out Aphrodite to be the fairest.

Well I have no idea why the goddess hooked the prince up with the married lady (Helen of Troy) and which fool actually accept the chance of running away with the wife of someone like Menelaus (Shouldn’t have picked someone double of his size). Any way that golden apple proves too costly for Troy and Paris. Helen saved herself from Menelaus, showing her own apples (Lured by his cheating wife, I Swear, we men will always be men!).

If we look at the history, the apple discovered the Gravitational theory… errrrr… I mean, Newton did, when he saw an apple fell from the tree (I believe it was a tree from his garden, that raises the question, did he not see any apple falling from the tree earlier? What took him so bloody long to discover gravity?).

Now in my childhood I was thoroughly confused who actually discovered the gravity, Newton or the apple? I mean I always felt like giving the credit to the apple. It did all the hard work, it fell from the tree, and Sir Isaac Newton was just sitting on his easy chair, isn’t it??!!. Anyway, hard luck for Mr. Apple.

Then came Steve Jobs with his apple, and by god it was some apple. I bet he liked apples a lot. That’s why the logo is a half eaten apple not just an apple.  Who knows probably he used to get ideas while eating apple (Did Isaac Newton also discovered the gravitational theory while eating that apple which fell down on him? Again who knows but most likely, apples are meant to be eaten aren’t they?)      

I know people, you are thinking why on earth this lad is so concerned about apples? Well let me tell you why, because I am going to use this apple as a metaphor in this blog of mine. Yes! That right, I have just started. Alright, I know 3/4th of my blog viewers have already closed the page, rest please be patient, I am coming to the point.

Let me tell you a secret of my life, whatever in my life I plan, I think to do or I want to do, that never happens and I mean anything and everything. Let it be the most trivial thing or the most important one, but as I think of doing it, something, some very powerful source just spill the water on my whole plans. But queerly enough, they somehow work out fine, not in all cases but somehow things turn better then what I anticipate. But that is not what I want!

I mean look at my life, the wrong man, at the wrong places, in the wrong times, with the wrong jobs, hooking up with the wrong girls and doing all sort of wrong things. If there is a tree of opportunity and that’s an apple tree and the fruits of success are apples. Then I am standing right under it, trying to pluck the sweetest, juiciest and biggest apples which are hanging way above the tree. I am trying all the known tricks in the book to pluck them; big sticks, throwing rocks, trying to climb the tree and using a ladder to get my hands reach to those branches. But all in vein, always all my efforts normally go wasted. So you see me, sitting under the tree, dejected, disappointed; cursing the tree, cursing the apples, cursing myself.

And then, all of a sudden, an apple falls from the tree, right on my lap. It’s just as I wanted, big, juicy and sweet. But I don’t want it now. Why? Why because when I wanted them, when I wanted them so bad, I couldn’t get my hand on single one of them. I don’t want a consolation prize from my fate which keeps depriving me, deceiving me by all possible ways. I want to have the fun of plucking those apples by myself. I am not satisfied with one and definitely not satisfied the way I get it. So I keep trying and trying. Thus I keep failing and failing.

An unusual and unparalleled but everlasting battle continues between me and my fate.

That’s the story so far of ‘Ani and An Apple’.

I am single and sad.

“I am single and happy”. I hear or see these words often, from someone or in someone’s status in Facebook or MySpace or Twitter. Are they? I don’t know.

A long tiring day, an almost dead man and a long dead soul, dragging his feet back home. Sitting naked all alone in a corner with a can of beer and his laptop singing ‘Hey you’ of Pink Floyd. That’s a life no guy wants. Eventually that’s the life it becomes in few years of service in bloody IT companies in any metro.

Drifted thousands of miles away from home long long ago, where even faces of the parents going blur in the mind. So he wants to live, try to find life in love and romance. And he finds himself all alone. No love comes by his way. Then he found it and lost it in few days. And again he found and lost it and it gets a routine. All of a sudden the routine even disappears.

Why we feel jealous, envious, when we see our ex partners, our old lovers, our school/college life crushes are happy, satisfied and blissful with their new partners, spouses or boyfriends. May be because of loneliness we have and they don’t. So we get green when we see them happy and find we are not. So we try to hide ourselves behind these words, “I am single and happy”. So we try to convince ourselves that it’s a better life because there’s no one to interfere into our lives. Often find behind that sense of freedom hiding a gloomy aloof creature. So we keep telling our friends what a ‘torture’ he/she was. But in the night when we switch off the lights and go to bed, we think of them so much and darkness seems so scary.

I am not happy. I am single… and SAD!


I was always a lonely a kid. Actually I am a lonely kid. I am sure that the people who know me are already tired of me whining about this. But that’s the truth, the ‘BITTER TRUTH’. When I was small, when I was in school, or even in college, I was so lonely. Doesn’t matter if I was surrounded be hundreds of people, l always felt I am alone, all alone. I didn’t know why it is so with me, but it was always that way. In my college I had like 1000 of friends and still I never felt that I have one friend I can share all my secrets or thoughts. I found it so girly, just like some teenage girl crying over for not having her soul sister or something. I always knew that by days past or as we grow older we tend to get lonelier. But in my case I feel I am the loneliest one in this earth.

This Deepavali, which is supposed to be the biggest festival of India, I was not celebrating. It’s not that I did not want to celebrate it, but it was because I had no one to celebrate with. I remember back in days how colorful my diwali used be. And yesterday I came back to place all alone, drinking away the night and thinking about the good old days. May be even the mother earth felt sad about it and it rained. I was standing in the balcony, drinking and letting the raindrops soothing me. I can give myself no assurance, weather teardrops were camouflaged in those raindrops or not.


I am not sure if it’s a problem with me mingling with people or people have problem with me. I was sure about myself and I still am. I know I can’t fight the time. Whatever I thought will be my driving force and I thought I will never run out of it, well life taught me another lesson. Not to take anything as granted. That’s why I am now all alone writing this entry in my blog. I am lonely because I choose to be lonely. because I feel it’s good to be lonely and I should not blame anybody for this situation. So here I am, learning to be all by myself in nation’s biggest celebration time. I truly feel that every one of you, and I mean it, every one of you out there, is lucky in your own away. But I am and remain unlucky. Always……..


It was 3 o clock in the afternoon today, I had a heavy breakfast so wasn’t feeling that hungry till that time. But after 3 I suddenly got my appetite back, so I thought of heading to Sea Shell restaurant in mount road, precisely in Greams road. I tell you guys, if you really want to have a taste of real biriyani in Chennai, you should go there.

I am sure you are confused after reading the preface because it has no relation what so ever with the tittle of it. dear friends, there is a link, a deep link. so let me not try your patience anymore and come straight to the point.

For the very first time I have felt something so new. no, I didn’t mean that for the first time I was jealous. no, of course, I am no saint, I have been jealous about so many things before, I was jealous about so many people. but this time I felt jealous about something, which is purely different for me, may be not different for others. But for me, it is the first time.

So I was reached there by 3.30 pm. ordered a mutton biriyani and a mint lemon juice for myself, it’s always my favourite combo there. after ordering i was checking out the other people sitting in the restaurant and then eyes got glued to this cute college couple or to the girl to be honest. Fair in complexion, wearing a very loose top and a 3/4th jeans. The guy was alright, tall, dark and handsome. Where I was sitting from there I was only able to have a partial view of that girl, except occasionally when she was turning her face this way.

I kept staring at her and I was feeling so jealous. I was so jealous that i felt like pushing that guy out of that chair and sit with her. She was wearing such a loose top that her blue bra was visible,a pint of hair was brushing her cheeks and she was waving them off. The guy was showing her something in his mobile and she was giggling, may be some forwarded message. Almost everyone in the restaurant was looking at them, but they were so reluctant about that. Two lovebirds, it’s only two of them and the rest of the world is at their feet, that’s how it seemed. And I was getting plunged into jealousy, so much that i had to muttered myself, ” Come on, what is it with you? Have you gone nuts? It’s just another regular couple in restaurant.” I have seen so many couples in so many places, I never felt this way. I don’t know why today I felt this way and I was getting more jealous in every passing minutes.

I tried to refrain myself from thinking about it, questioned myself, why today I am feeling this way? Part of me answered, probably my loneliness were exposed brutally by their presence that it came out as envy. another part of me said “You too need someone who will hold your hands and giggle at your every lame joke”.Then again I looked at them, they were holding hands and was talking while looking at each others eyes. They were looking so cute.

I paid the bill, looked at my half eaten food, and stormed out of that place.

I’m frustrated; professioally, personally and sexually.


Ok, so to begin with, I am so frustrated, so very much. I am completely surrounded by my frustration, by my professional under achievements, personal woes and sexually unfulfilled. Now, let’s explore them one by one.

Professional frustration

                                            As a corporate slave, we compromise our social lives, our dream of being satisfied with the job we are doing and of course all the ill treatments by our superiors. And we hope that we will get paid for all those compromises. But in reality, at least in my life it’s just a farfetched dream. So I take leaves as many as possible to make my life sociable, but they all go wasted as I hardly have people around me whom I can call friends (I am far far away from my family). So I curse the job do every day and blame all my troubles on it, and I do it religiously. I try to yell at my superiors and try to give them some real hard times as much as possible, dangerously being at the sideline, where a little push can make me jobless again.

                        Still I don’t learn that any corporate slave is anything but happy and satisfied in his or her life.

Personal frustration:

                                      Well, this is the place I don’t know where to start from and where to end it. Life seems to be an ocean of troubles and problems. And problems, oh! I tell you, they are way tough and weird than calculus. Just when u feel that you got rid of one hell of a puzzle, boom! You have another jigsaw puzzle waiting for at the very next step. You solve that and again you have plenty of puzzles, troubles and issues are right there looking at you, to jump on you. What am I? A troubleshooting machine? A crazy genius who hates all the fun and only find it amusing to fix all the issues in life?

                                                                                                                                 Everything in my life seems to be a problem, let it be the ‘family expectation’, ‘ambition in life’, ‘desires I cherish’ or the ‘love of my life’. Every one of them falls apart in regular interval and I just see them falling apart so helplessly.

                                                                                                                                                                                Yet, I refuse to see what life has given me. The minutes of happiness rather than the hours of sorrows, which is an equation of ‘happiness/sorrows’ = 1.

Sexual frustration:

                                 Now, now, all the ladies who are prejudiced about sex or just want to read this section to criticize me or the whole male community by saying we are perverts and sexual predators, please!! BACK OFF!!!!!

                                          Sometimes I feel like it’s a curse to be an Indian, where you are legally and socially eligible to have sex only after marriage. It’s just too much for me. I am a normal 20 something guy whose ‘dojo’ shouts and screams at him every day to get him a ‘cat’(Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?). Hell, I am in need girls to fulfill my sexual need, to have a blowjob, to play dirty games, to have sexual intercourse. But, alas! An open-minded girl friend in India is like searching the lamp of genie.

           Hell, still I keep forgetting, when I am the man, when it was just my time……

Life ‘is’ difficult

Why, I mean why, life has to be so difficult??

Why can’t it be simple? You know, simple in the sense the we should get our expectations fulfilled, of course I am not saying that unusual and extraordinary expectations (some thing like a wish to become king Midas( though he repented it afterwords)) should be fulfilled, but the normal, simple wishes of human kind can be and should be granted (granted by whom?? ).

I am disturbed (of course I am, else no fool will be awake in the midnight, 12:30am to be specific, and will be writing all these so-called nonsense,’ so called I wrote’)

Now, what am I to do? Wish I wish, how much I wish, that I had the power to change the way of the world, at least i really want to do that for me. If this world is a cruel place to live, I want to live in mars, or Jupiter or Pluto( poor guy recently been stripped off from his title as planet, don’t you worry boy, I’m coming). Now behind all these little clueless talk, all I want to say that our lives which are really really complicated, should be  simplified. I know what people will say, they will say it’s in the hand individuals to make things and life simpler. But no, not anymore. I am sure about that, no matter what way human kind will try to make their life’s simple and nice, the wont be succeeded. I never deny the point that human themselves has brought this situation upon them and now we are at the mercy of mother nature and hoping so much that she at least wont abandon us

I’ve learned this from the situation of mine, and I am urging you all to start the process of making your life simple and beautiful. because anything that is complex and difficult are always somewhat ugly!

I’m not that strong

I’m not strong. I’m not that strong, I realized it today, and the feeling is quite hard on me. Always thought i m stronger, tougher and a hard nut to crack, but seems like the nut is already cracked. I don’t know what is happening to me and how i am been able to admit my weakness so openly, publically.

Guess that what my age has done to me. Am i getting old?? May be i am. But whatever it is, I am hating it with all my heart and hardly anybody can imagine how eager I am to get back to my old days. Some body told me that everything is going to be fine, all it needs is a little time. But i am getting all restless here, and i am scared, very scared. Ohh hell!!!, what is happening to me, why am i speaking like this???

Ani, the great ‘Ani’, is this the end of him???

It can’t be. May be i am weak for a while, may be i am a little old, may be i am going through a tough time which might have made me a little soft, but hey, this Ani is always a fighter, a veteran soldier who pulled off almost all the battle he fought. For win or loss, for better or for worse, Ani will fight, he always fights against all the odds.

So world!!! beware, You can love me, you can hate me, but you can’t ignore me. And you bet, I’ll find my way through the battle

Fate, you can use all your weapon on me, this fighter will either win or he’ll die….

Hiia there, hmm, so I am back again, with another crappy diary note I believe

OK, so lets start with a quote here

“i wish he knew better english!”

Now the ‘he’  mentioned here is this humble ‘me’ –> ‘ani’ and……. ‘I’, well I is some one whose identity can not be reveled at this point of time, may be later…

Well, now people, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking that those words really really hurt me or did make me upset and that’s why I am writing this diary note after quite a while in this blog.

Hmm, now I can’t say you are entirely wrong, I did get hurt, but not because somebody thinks that i m poor learner of a language (of course, i never learned my mother tongue properly, now if you want to see me as a foreign language scholar you are in fool’s heaven.), but because that person has followed and criticized my language but was unable to comprehend the sweetness and feelings behind those words……

Now, now, now, m I expecting too much? well I may be. But what to do, I’m like that.

OK, let’s get back to the old story,  my situation and condition of my life, how is it??? ans, as usual, and it’s getting worse. And the funny thing is, i don’t know what to do, I have no idea how to change and make my situation or condition better. I have already taken an oath, or you can say half oath and also i dream big. Now i know, and it’s true that ‘patience pays off’.

I’m not optimistic, I knew this from the day I actually came to my senses, but then i know about my life and the way it flows.

Hence, i deny to surrender and accept any kind of defeat. Fighting with my fate and tagged as a loser??? Well, let it be, cause this loser gives a ‘daymere’ to all those winners out there..

‘Daymere’, I am loving this word and for this, I’m ready again to hear “i wish he knew better english!”…   🙂

cheers, cya….


Ohhkk… So after a long interval i am back again to honor this blog. So….

Why I was shying away from writing anything in my blog or to be precise in my online diary?? Hmm, Man was I busy??? Hell no…. I was having enough time to juts put at least an entry here.

But I did not do…

Well, Lemme tell you the truth, lets face it guys.. I mean let me face it… I m so so depressed, lately nothing seems all right. I’m calling home again and again and whining to mom and dad that i am so so so down and under. But all they got is a VALID QUESTION… Why are you so???

And i don’t have the answer…. Or…. May be I’ve and simply don’t want to tell them.

Well well well… seems like all the happiness is just drifting away from me, from my life.

Hell I never wanted to lead a life like this, but again… What can I do,  to fight and win with my fate.

Guess for today, this much is enough.. Gotta get up early tomorrow… I have ***** office at 5.30 am

Any way… Chao then..


confused soul……….. and sad too

Whattodo whattodo

I am on the verge of breaking up. I don’t know why and when this time will pass and i will regain my old form, have a doubt weather i will be able to or not?????

Sound so depressing i know, but in this condition ‘am just asking one thing to me, TO BE, OR , NOT TO BE.

Never thought life will show me so many phases.

Yeah i know, ‘How much a man can whine???’ right?

I donno whattodo, i donno whattodo…………

Diary of the Day (Night?)

Well, in my watch it is 1.27 am in the night, did not go to office today… reason??

I don’t know exactly. all it seems is that i m kind of emotionally imbalanced to attend my boring office work.

Actually it’s been a while that I m in such mood, in such condition. why?

Well it is too open a place to discuss or explain.

But I guess that’s not the point, the point is…

I have already been through such situations. Then why m i so vulnerable still??

I guess I m still not tough enough to handle lots of thing in life. I want to be a complete man yeah.. but nobody is perfect, and i can not be ‘nobody’.

i had no idea that i would start this blog with topic, but then again , life is so unpredictable and mysterious. so…

Let it be

Anyway….. Signing off for today i mean for tonight… ciao

P.S: And please, blog viewers, please leave your comments…….